People fascinate me. I wonder sometimes why people do what they do. Or treat others a certain way. So much of what we do is what we have been exposed to in our lives. How we treat the world, is a direct influence of our environment. The one we grew up in.

I am a native South African living in Los Angeles for 15 years now, and I still have moments of disbelief. Interactions with people can leave me with a huge question mark and a frown on my forehead. A moment of jaw hanging open, and just nothing to say. And thinking to myself “did that just happen?’ “did he/she really just do that?”

I am brought up with a certain group of morals, manners, and ‘things not to do’ to others. How NOT to treat your fellow man or woman. And then I would find myself in certain situations where I just can’t believe my ears, or eyes. Then of course I question my own set of values and wonder if I am the odd one out, or if my culture is just very different.

And I would start hearing questions spiraling in my head like “How can anyone act in such a way and not see how disrespectful that is?”

I would watch right after that interaction to see if there is any kind of remorse, or guilt, or uncomfortable behavior. And all I see is nothing. Nada. Just pure normality in their being. As if what they just did or said, had no ill implications or was totally fine. I think the fact that people can act in such a way, and act normal right after, unaware of how they acted, makes me question who I am. Am I the one missing something or not seeing clearly? I dunno….

Call me naive. Perhaps in this way I am. Or am I expecting too much of others?

My wish is to surround myself with people who understand being human, the way I do.

I am not in any judgement around this, more just slightly thrown off my track. It makes me want to study people more. I am a seeker of truth. I desire to see through all illusion, and see how people tick. And I know that my soul can’t understand another soul. So I will most probably get to the end of my quest all hugely disappointed and with a lack of clarity or understanding.

What I can say though is that I am learning a lot about people, and interactions that goes beyond the usual work place. And I realize I do have a lot to learn. And then again. Perhaps I have less to learn, just need to extract myself out of certain circles, and areas, and drop myself into places that feel more like home. Is that possible?

It also makes me realize why I love spending my time doing things that don’t involve human interaction. What do one do when one feel different? There are some beings that would GET very well what I am saying here. Others might judge. And those who judge, might be the ones vastly different than me. And those who get this, are perhaps the ones I am meant to spent some good quality time with.

You get me?