At the center of now is a journey spiraling into the mystery of my soul. Spiraling round and round leaving me lightheaded and in sense withdrawal. A desire to understand the one that is sitting at the center of the now. A whirlwind of new is blindfolding my perception of reality. Perhaps a walk through the tunnel in the clouds, to the other side of life, will open the gates through which all shall be revealed.
A cloudy vision is now blending the colors and objects around me into a messy brown shape, spiraling and swallow the cosmos into a funnel, pulling downward into the center of now. And birthing an even stronger desire to walk through the mystery of my soul at the center of now. A feeling of heavy is tugging on my sleeve pulling me down, attempting to knock me into a deep sleep. The gateway to sleep keeps luring me in, and the wake full hours seem like eternity. Too much mystery, this soul of mine.
With each blink of an eye I discover more difficulty to keep my eyelids open, so that the daylight can continue to filter in, and bless my soul. The heavy energy is sucking me back deeper into sleep filled hours, a journey into the great mystery of my soul at the center of now. The air feels so heavy, as if I’m dragging my body through mud. All strengths are now called upon in urgency, asking to work together, overcoming this sensation of deep sleep during these sunny wake full hours.
What's this strong energy tugging so fiercely on my wake full army? Am I in lack of sweet slumber for my soul? Am I worn out from a long journey, a walk back in search of freedom at the center of home? And yet I feel I can't rest now. There is a whole lifetime still to discover, to become, to study, to express through, to remember, things to do, people to guide, healing needed in myself. Ideas keeps streaming in, thoughts, visions, ideas and they are all keeping me wide awake.
This energy management that I have had to deal with most my life, is it ever going to get easier? This power is pulling too hard for my will to stay afloat in the waking hours. I feel myself sliding down. My grip is slipping and I'm beginning to fall. The ground is now beginning to swallow me bit by bit as I'm sinking, melting, dropping into the belly I go. Dropping down into the center of now. The blinking of my eyes has slowed even more and now seem as if the slow motion is moving in slow motion, and all around is speeding up. I’m spiraling. Where am I going? Too tired to care anymore. My grip softens.
My jaw lets go. The frown between my eyes disappears and I slide downward. Collapsing into the earth, as she shallows me bit my bit. And I’m sinking. Deeper and deeper. The darkness covers my eyes and the light flickers weaker, and fades as I allow my eyelids to do as they desire. All seem serene now. All seem quiet now. I feel safe. I surrender. I'm spiraling deeper into the center of now.
A journey inward.
Moving into stillness. Motionless. Senseless. Sweet rest. Eternal stillness. Sublime wakeful sleep.