I'm sitting in a cozy coffee shop in Big Bear. Wrapped up in a scarf and sipping steaming hot coffee. It's a beautiful day outside.
My month has been jam packed with travel, meeting new friends, and discovering yet an even deeper connection with my mom. She flew out to LA to spend the holidays with me. I definitely got my sense of adventure from her. She definitely still has it!
It's a few days before the end of the year and I'm sitting, allowing my mind to drift back in time. This year has made me walk through some of the toughest times of my life, I must admit. And it's easier to recognize now, while on the up and up again. You know how it is. When you're knee deep in the mud, and put one foot in front of the other, you don't always see the depth of mud you're standing in. You just keep a one pointed focus on the next step, as it's pretty much as much as you can handle.
The interesting thing is that this particular experience has brought me more gifts than I've probably received in most my life. And so I'm living proof that the tough times seem to strengthen you, empower you, and ad to your life, ten fold. Seeing what's been gained here in the now, all the tangible shifts, makes me realize that I'll do it again and again, and yes, again! It was all so worth it.
Every year is different, as we all know. But this one had a different flavor to it.
For me, It's the end of a cycle, the last push through the birth canal to something else. Who knows what?! And this last push, this month of December, has most definitely been the strongest. It sped up for me, and the intensity is still palpating through me. Like I turned around the last corner of the race and now I'm on the last sprint home. Coming home after enduring a long hard race. I can see the finish line, with no one in sight. Am I ahead of the game? Or perhaps a race against my old self? Or against my fearful mind? Or maybe it's not a race at all... Just a stroll in the woods and my mind makes it feel like a race for life or death...
Which is it? Does it matter, mind?
Maybe this can be my biggest intention for this year ahead.
Stop trying to get to 'the knowing' - letting go of the need to KNOW or understand. The thing is, I'll know once I stop trying to figure it out.
Ironic isn't it?
I'd rather bathe in the beautiful feelings life shares with me. Experiences that took place that elevate my consciousness, people I met that left me changed, and places I saw that filled me up.
Each moment has the potential to bring that.
If I choose to see it!
And the seeing happens when the mind stops trying to reach the destination of 'knowing'
Ah, and then there's this day. Here you are. Watching me as I'm inside of you. You are beautiful. This is all that is truly real and tangible. And of course, how I feel. And I feel great inside. My year is ending on a GREAT note.
And so on that note, I wish you all a very happy and magical new year. Thank you for being in my life. xo m