I sat in my car today, before getting out to go and enjoy the day. And for some reason I couldn't move.
I paused and asked myself “what do I feel like doing right now?” I have the rest of the day off! It's magical to have these non-work pockets in my week. I realize more and more how much I need the space to just be. To feel free. To honor what I want, instead of what others want. And let me get this straight, I love being of service to others! And, can I 'serve' myself too?
I couldn't think of a single thing to do! I have been in such an interesting energetic space since the beginning of the year. I am not myself. I'm the type of person that loves being busy, and doing things, and running errands, and planning, and DOING, period.
It's taken me till today, to realize, something has massively shifted, and that part of me is gone. And I still run my life as if I am still that. And then I keep pushing against things that just aren't meant to be.
I have changed. I have this strong desire to be in a place of non-doing. To just let go and savor life. To take a walk to the beach, and then go nap under the sun. To sit with a cup of coffee and watch people move around me. To lie on the grass and watching my cats play around me. To step into a homeless persons body, and feel their longings. To listening to the birds singing their hearts out above me on the traffic pole. To feel the wind dropping kisses on my skin. To enjoy watching people interacting with each other.
I find myself dropping deep into the present moment. Bliss.
I am letting go of the need to stay busy, the need to always DOING life. And I'm allowing for the essence of life to penetrate my being. I'm bringing in the energy of RECEIVING life instead.
The most beautiful things happen when we receive life. When we are in a constant space of doing, we block ourselves from receiving what is. When we stop doing, we receive. The doing, or staying busy, blocks the space to open and receive.
To receive the day, the sun, and the present moment. Intuition only filters in when we are open to receiving it. We can't receive intuition when we are constantly 'doing'.
We have masculine and feminine energies that reside within us. They co-exist.
Masculine energy is all about action, doing, thinking, talking, drive force, acting, busy...
Feminine energy is all about allowing, being, feeling, watching, surrendering, trusting, non-doing...
Most people live from a more masculine driven energy, both male and female. It blocks the deeper parts of life from filtering in. For most my life I lived in that place. And it seems as though life has given me this new playground to play on lately. I feel, oh so very different. It's very new to me. I feel like a young girl, who is learning how to walk for the first time, and being in the world for the first time.
I get to experience the beauty of life. It's not passing me by unnoticed anymore. Such a gift. When I practice yoga, I allow myself to receive the pose and what it has to offer. I'm taking out the 'doing' in the pose, and bringing in the 'being'
In that place we are unlimited. Anything is possible. We are infinite. In that place we get to create a deeper way of being in the world.
In this wide open, empty space, I find ample time for work, and play. This because I'm not filling my day with things, just because.
And so, it's taken me till this moment, to open my eyes to this shift. I am just not that of yesterday anymore. She has left the building. I am this. And she understands the value of her time, and the value of existence. And she is not willing to fill the empty spaces with junk anymore. She is now filling it will beauty, dissolving into life, and receiving it.
So what does she feels like 'doing' today. As little as possible please! Even when I am teaching, I am not doing, anymore. I am watching. There's just nothing to DO! We allow. I allow my heart so speak and teach. That is the feminine energy. The mind is the one who still feels like it needs to DO something.
There is nothing wrong with using the masculine energies inside us. But it's 'wrong' when it's all we are using. It's all about finding balance. Use the masculine energy for basic practicality of life. And then using the feminine energies to make life sweeter.
So all in all, I'm stepping away from the mind more and more, and allow the heart to lead the way! So I'm going to stop pushing against what I should be doing. And I'm going to allow my heart to show me what it feels like, I need to be receiving and enjoying.