Home has found me

I have longed for a deep connection with myself for as long I can remember.

I have walked a full circle, and now arriving back at the beginning. It is a strangely familiar feeling, and I keep trying to figure it out mentally. My experience I have with life today is so very different, than just a month ago and before. It's like I have been on this road before, and I can see my own footprints underneath this new soil. New soil now covered in the new times we are creating for ourselves. I have arrived at the entrance way of my own soul, and hanging above me is a big sign that reads 'HOME'. I see a road ahead, and carefully placing one foot in front of the other. Anticipating an endless supply of fulfilling existence ahead. “It is about time,” I thought to myself.

I was HOME for just a brief moment in my life. Perhaps for as little as six months. Right after my birth, I was already walking away from it. A journey my soul needed to take. I was too young to rebel against it. A tool I have used many times before, when I would try and resist life flowing me in a certain direction.

I have been traveling along this dusty road, on my way somewhere. For most the time that I've been on this road my eyes were on the road behind me. I so longed to be HOME. I barely experienced home, yet, it left an imprint strong enough to never forget, no matter how far away I would walk from it. It's like I heard whispers from it day in and day out. It's been calling me back from the moment I set foot away from it.

It was very hard for me to keep my eyes on the road in front of me, because I knew that the road ahead will be filled with experiences I might not like, and experiences that might make me forget about HOME, or the sense that I BELONG somewhere. My resistance has always been strong, and it makes sense to me now. I don't know if I'd truly ever wanted a life of solitude. I have always been alone. Is that truly a choosing of my conscious mind? I don't think anyone in their right mind would want that. Everybody longs for connection. I have done this thing called life, all by myself. In the face of connections and people around me. There has always something that set me apart from life and its people.

It's like having my foot on the gas petal and at the same time having my hand on the emergency break. If I were to look out ahead on this road, I'd see no signs of HOME. But when I would look back, it's like I could still see it. Even if not physically. It felt a shorter distance backwards than forwards.

And then one day, along this dirt road, it hit me. If I keep looking back, I am slowing down my pace and I am prolonging my journey back to it. And because I am not going backwards, but heading forwards, it meant that HOME is in fact ahead of me. The more I walk this path ahead of me, the sooner I will find HOME again. The more I look back at what once was called HOME, it will take longer to re-unite with it again.

What made me walk away from it? Obviously not my conscious mind. Someone had a bigger plan for me. And I had to obey. I have been away from it for so long, that I forgot the essence of it. Even though my pursuit has always been that. To discover my place in this big big world. A place I can call home. And throughout my travels, and searching, I have forgotten what I was searching for. I lost myself in the ego pursuits of this world. I know I was searching for something. Yet my searches has changed into empty pursuits, that would when I found what I though I was looking for, would give me temporary satisfaction, and then would leave me empty again. As if I get dumped back at the start of my search for HOME again.

And so about a month ago, I stepped onto a new platform. A place I have never been before. And the familiarity of this place is hypnotic. It has transported me into an energy I could dwell in forever. “I have been here before,” I thought to myself. And the scenery is just so unique that there is no way I have ever been here before. This confusion has left me with a big question mark over my life. What is this familiar feeling, in a space I have yet to discover? This newness feels like a re-uniting with self in a way I have never experienced before.

It's like a part of my being stayed behind at the place I originally called HOME, and a month ago, I took a step forward and stepped straight into that part of myself. Merging with the one I have been looking for, which feels like forever, yet just a glimpse in time, when measured in the eternity of existence.

And now in this new-ancient place... I am re-discovering the soul that I am. The gifts that I am. The purpose that I am. The light that I radiate. The love that I embody. The wisdom that I have earned. The strength and conviction I live and move from. The ability to see life for what it truly is. The intuition that I seem to have always had, now trusting it more.

And remembering the child that never had her time under the Sun. She is now tugging on my sleeve, asking me if it's ok to go build castles in the sun. To chase the waves as they're breaking on the deserted beach. To sing along to the birds song above in the trees. To fill her day with music and color. To talk to the moon. To run to the horizon and back. To chase butterflies in the meadows. To go sit under the rainbow and talk to the animals.

A shedding of skin, one layer of illusion after another, is what's happening under the surface. Re-claiming the child that could never be silenced by life. She is claiming her right to be here now. And opening gift after gift, day in and day out, of all the unique qualities that she was born with. Now bringing them up to the conscious mind. This unfolding is happening organically. An eternal journey, walking a full circle, remembering the innocence and purity of heart.

I see a fulfilling and meaningful life filled with connections, before me, in the empty spaces I am stepping into. Who knows what I might find. Or should I say, who knows what else I might discover about myself.

A life now turning upside down, and leaving behind the old story that life is meant to be lived alone. Connections are filtering in from all around, as I have found my connection with self. Ones that are equal to the soul that I am. A sharing of powerful soul connections. Brothers, sisters, friends, and lovers from older lives. I see more and more of them filtering in. Thank you for reminding me of parts of myself that used to be dormant. Each moment I get to connect with you again in this life, I'm seeing myself in a new light. I am at awe, seeing myself in each one of you.

It leaves a smile, that lingers. A heart now filled to the brim. A feeling of satisfaction. HOME has come to me. Even though I have been walking towards it. It has also come to meet me. Just at the right time. Now all that's needed is to sit back, relax, and watch it unfolds in perfect harmony. And I'm choosing to be in a space of open arms, and open hands. And I keep asking my mind to surrender whenever it still wants to understand everything, or wants to push its will onto life.

It's happening. It's all around me, and this because its inside of me. An overflowing from the inside, attracting that which I am, reminding me of the unconscious parts of my soul, the true I am. A deep love connection with self, will usher in that from the outside. A deeper understanding of my purpose. And a new playground to remind myself of the importance of enjoyment. A life written in ancient times. A HOME now discovered through an entrance way I know intimately. Who knows where this path will lead me... My guess is into some of the deepest layers of my soul, I have yet to discover. So deep, that, perhaps no lifetime has given me that privilege. I am ready. Let the horn blows for the start of this new adventure, re-aligning me with the true spirit that I am.