Travelling

I'm watching the world around me in full devotion. Scenes passing me by one by one, while gazing out the car window. Just like the journey of our lives always moving from one place to the next. And if you choose to stand still for a moment, you too can watch the scenes of your life pass you by. 

I realize this trip is a clearing for my soul. I love how you choose to do something for one reason, and as you begin your journey, the real reason appears. 

There is something magical about driving. Something opens in me. There is a freedom that takes over. Perhaps a stepping away from routine and things that must be done. And instead allowing space for new creations. I notice my mind drifting like a river on a rainy day.

My eyes are making love with the scenery all around. A merging with and giving of self. No holding back. In this new found awareness and presence I begin to view this moment from a different seat. It's as if I added a wider lens, capturing the sky on a cloudless day. 

And in this place I barely feel the tires on the road. Am I still driving? Have I ever been in the drivers seat, truly? Watching life through gods window brings out the true colors of you and I. 

A view over the earth plane and beyond. This life is so big. Do you see it too? My life is so big. Can I allow myself to see it? This road, this journey, these gifts and this purpose. When viewing life from this place, all that is visible is truth. The truth as I wrote it long ago for this day. 

Now not only do I see sceneries around me flash me by, I also begin to see images from my earlier life flashing before me. I see opportunities. I see grace everywhere and the touch of spirits hand in the making of my life.

I see things I take for granted. Big things.

Accomplishments that others may only dream of and never pursue because it's not their journey this time. Yet it is mine. And I need to own these incredible gifts. I created them.

I don't have to question who I am. I know. 
I don't have to question why I lived the life I've led. I know. 
I don't have to question where I'm going. I know.

I see the outline of my life with clarity. I understand.

I see how this section of my life, becoming a woman with an open heart, is bringing me so many discoveries. So many tears with every let go of a painful memory or person. I am becoming deeply intimate with each moment on this journey, towards the woman I am meant to be. So when I arrive at this point of wholeheartedness, deep vulnerability and trust. It is then when I get to guide the other women towards the beauty of their hearts. I know that is why this process is taking it sweet sweet time. I am becoming intimate with these teachings. 

Is this truly my life? A life of experiencing, and feeling a broad spectrum of existences in one? So I get to relay the message? 

Is this why I am alive? To experience, then share that message? 

I'm sitting with a mixture of feelings, an overwhelming sense of joy and deep deep sadness. They both seem to co-exist in every moment of my day. The smallest thing can make me shed buckets full of tears. A beautiful sunset. A homeless man sitting on the sidewalk all alone. 

To every women out there: 

I understand you. I get you. I feel you. I see you. 

Your pain. Your sadness. Your anger. Your conviction. Your fight for what is right. 

I share this with you. I have walked in your shoes. I have seen through your eyes. 

To stare death in the face. Die of a broken heart. Feeling alone. To fear for your life. To be abused and disrespected. To stand alone for what you believe. Feeling deeply confused. Feeling lost in this big vast world. To have no friends. To part ways with ones you love. To feel deep pain and sorrow. To give up and loose faith. To have to start over again. And again, and again. To say goodbye. Again, and again, and again. 

And today the starting over is not so much on the outside, it's happening more on the inside. The saying goodbye happens less and less on the outside, and more on the inside. 

So I am finally learning how to transmute karma internally so my external life doesn't constantly change and shift to keep up with the new me. I look forward to sharing this journey and teachings with you soon. It will be that moment, that will set me free from this question. The question that comes and haunts me every other dark night. 

“Why me?” 
“Why am I experiencing life walking through the shadow and the mystery?” 
When you show up, I will know, it was all worth it.

What Do You Choose?

Today ushered in a shift in the way I choose to live my life. I have walked a thousand miles on this earth plane, seeking for something I thought i needed in this life to survive. 

To be all I can be. Something from someone that I valued higher than my own worth. If only I can do this, and this and this, then perhaps I can become that. We are driven by the unconscious more than the conscious and we choose, unknowingly to live closed of to a life that can offer us more than we can ever imagine. 
Or think we deserve. A shift in reality happens when we get to see a glimpse of the truth of our lives. As if for a moment we earned the right to see a lil deeper into this life, and are able to recognize where we are stuck. And not living according to our expansion of our birthright. 

How much am I worth? As much value as you place on me? How much should I work for this worth? What do I need to give up in exchange for this number placed on my worth? Do I honor another's opinion above my own? Fascinating that we choose to trust another above our own heart. Who we claim to be is what another validate you by. 
Until the day arrive where you choose differently. Where you change the order of your life. Where you realize what you see is what you create for yourself from the inside. What you believe is what you allow yourself to believe. Is it true? Is it your truth? What is your truth? Truly? Who am I? And what am I worth? without the labeling or validation of another? I get to choose what I am worth. And what would that be? 
I choose to stand in my power and allow life to bring me what I am inside. And what I see around me is truly beautiful. I am that I see around me. 

Today I expressed my truth, knowing it might create hurt in another. And create a freedom in myself. Why did I choose to do this? Cos I am worth it. I am worth standing up for love. I am done with this story that run my life for 30 some years. Driven by guilt and fear. It doesn't serve me anymore. It has never served me. What serves me now is loving what is, and stop waiting for another to proof I am worth the love I am. 
I choose to only carry what belongs to me. I choose to abort working hard for love or give anything up for love. As I am the vibration of love. No need to work or become to receive love in return. I am filled with love. The value I am is what I treasure and what I see with clarity and I fill my existence with my own presence and know I am. I am. I am. I exist. 

Thank you for teaching me the value of love. The value of what I am. I know now deep in my heart love doesn't expect you to work hard for it. Or give up a part of you for it. If love wants to show up, let it merge with the love inside. An equal exchange. No pull or tugs in power. 

No more guilt trips, no more games, no more confusion. No more carrying another's pain. No more working hard for love. No more giving away of my precious energy. Only those who treasure and give will also receive. 
What I have is who I give to those who are willing to meet me. It is a continual flow of energy. A give and receive.

BEING VULNERABLE

A journey one can only achieve by the ‘act’ of non doing.

Can one trust enough to step away from this place of controlled existence?

A place alive in the mind space only. A place of illusions and confusions.

Stepping into an eternal space of vulnerability where time doesn’t exist.

This I gift myself with. An experience one can only attain through the absence of the tainted mind.

An experience ushering in an opportunity to receive.

To receive what is visible in front of me.

What is it I see before me?

Not what do I want to see.

Or what I think I see.

Or what I see through the veil of my own life’s experiences.

Life experiences that clutter my vision and distort my receptivity.

What do I truly see before me? Who are you? Who are you underneath the surface of this life?

 Let me close my eyes, to truly to see you.  Receive you.

In your magnitude and honor.

Scarred on your journey through life, yet illuminating brilliance.

Can I dare permit myself to look fully, and completely into you?

The immensity of your soul. The expansion of your heart.

A lifetime of experiences shining through your eyes. Underneath the layers of your existence.

Where your soul sits untainted by life. An expression of your whole life, summed up into this glimpse of existence.

It speaks loudly of your whole life right before my eyes. This moment. Right here before me.

 What do I see before me?

Before me you stand, consuming the moment.

Mesmerizing. Captivating.

In to you I dare to see. I see only that in you, I am inside.

In to me I see. Vulnerable. Exposed to life I am.

Courageously. Bare naked.

I dare myself to stay open,

even when my mind ties me into knots.

Even if for a moment I choose to give up my power,

loosing myself in the illusion of my tainted mind.

And so I continue to drop layer after layer.

One false barrier after another.

So I get to meet a place of deep exposure.

A place of intimate expression.

Raw. Open. Vulnerable

Standing empty, completely and fully, me.

Do I stand alone?

’m projecting a dream into the world, too big to carry alone.
A desire to make a difference in this life is growing stronger by the day.


What if our dreams can make a difference in this world?
And what if I alone, stand up for what I believe in?


It won’t be the first time.
Today I find myself in a familiar longing.

A memory slipped through the cracks from a very long time ago.
Sharing more of my souls journey, mapping older lives across the ancient.

Back to a time listening to the resonance of my voice over a sea of people.
Passionately sharing wisdom through my heart.


Allowing it to fall on every soul ready to hear.
My hands are small and my feet are creating tiny footprints on this earth plane.

Who am I to speak of peace and teach others about love?
What do I know about love? What do I know about peace?
One can only long for something that has been experienced before.


I have been the essence of the creation of love.
What made me choose to disconnect from it?

Perhaps a resolution written in my own handwriting since the beginning of time.I am here to help humanity find the path towards freedom and liberation.

A place of hope filled with the energy of life and birth.
If one asks for such a big reason to come to this earth plane.
One must be handed a life that can push you towards this purpose.


If I resided in the fullness of love since the beginning of my life,
Would I have desired to lend a helping hand in creating a new world?

To stand up against oppression?
To speak up against violence and abuse of any form?


Something is stirring inside me. I’m waking up.
Revealing a life underneath this life.


Revealing a determination and resolution that has stood since before the beginning of time.


The truth is inside this pain I feel deep inside my heart.
The beliefs I fought for, lives I fought for, and wars I fought in.

Tears falling onto this dusty road next to my bare feet.
Cracks in the earth, sculpted all the way to the horizon.


Heat bouncing off spiraling into the air, making the road look even more deserted.

I have walked a thousand miles across existence, walking side by side with death, towards a freedom we are all destined to partake in.


And so today I watch, as the wheels are turning on this dirt road.
Circling round and round. Circling from beginning to end.

Ending back at the beginning.
The beginning now experienced in a new awareness.


Standing at the same place where I started,
Only now, seeing it for the first time.


Our lives lead us through a journey over the same lonesome dirt road.
If you look closely you might see familiar footprints underneath the cracks in the earth.

Ancient wisdom poring to the surface from an existence lived in honor.
Only love endures. Love remembers. Love recognizes the journey.


And recognizes the ones we meet along the path, over and over again.
Do I stand alone, this time around?

I am you and you am I.
Connected together through love and memory.

With you around, I know I will never stand alone.

Let go to find

My body is like the wind, moving with the sight of hope.

Hope and possibility, in a world where hopelessness resides.

In a world where freedom is not always a choice.

In a world where pain sometimes leads the way.

My life that I embody is a vehicle in which change can be a reality.

Birthing from the womb of our mother, beautiful nature itself.

I witness myself dropping into a heightened feeling state.

Now fully immersed into the moment, I am open.

Open to stand up for the hopeless and speechless.

With each life receiving breath I fold even deeper into myself.

Dissolving into her. Finding new ways to bring peace to the world.

She is crying abuse.

I can feel her tears inside mine.

Or is it I crying for her?

A knowing so tangible I can taste it.

Touching the untouchable with my gaze from within.

Here I stand.

Watching. I am watching. Participating in this destructive flow of life.  

An act of desperation. No more abuse. This mother, creator of life, is dying.

It is not a question of what I can do.

It is more a question of how can I embody the divine feminine that is needed to heal this world?

Become the ointment.

Live the message.

Voice the truth.

Experiencing life from a place of being.

Become that which we want to see around us.

Slow down.

Embody peace.

Embody her.

Embody YOU, the real you.

Just be.

Be OPEN

I offer myself to receptivity, in honor of my divine mother.

And all the mothers in the world and the world itself.

Time to stop thinking. Time to be guided by the untainted feelings in my heart.

Leading myself safely through the mystery of her tender embrace.

Allow beauty to rise up and heal.

Allow existence to embody her.

She is the ointment for scars unattended.

Can we allow ourselves to merge with her?

Open to her? Become that part of her, that we are inside?

A turning point.

Discovery of oneness through connection.

Independence through sharing.

Discovering solitude through loneliness.

Silence through communication.

Trust through fear.

Love through illusions.

Just close your eyes.

Let go, to find.

Vision for 7 years from now ...

Laying under the Africa sky, counting shooting stars and listening to wild animals making sounds all around. I finally understand why I had to grow up in Africa.  And why I had to journey all the way to the other side of the world, in search of myself, the child that lost herself in the troubles of her surroundings.

 Each piece of memory brought a piece of wisdom with it. An opportunity to see with deeper clarity. An opportunity to feel my power and purpose from an even deeper place.

 I see the bridge, the link between the two countries, and many other bridges over the globe. Spreading wisdom, healing, love and many more wonderful things.

This trip was extra special. The group we hosted this time showed up in a profound way. Each time I host a trip like this, it feels as if it can’t get any richer, and yet it continue to proof me wrong. This feeling I have in my heart, is too big for words.

I understand my life, my journey, and my purpose on a very deep level. I’m living it. I’m loving it. I am walking my dream into reality.  We are packed and ready to depart back to the US where another life awaits. Another community of friends and loved ones. Another family.  What a gift to have more that one life wrapped up in one existence.

My work is never done. And, what I do, doesn’t feel like work either. As long as I give myself permission to rest a lot. Write a lot. And travel for fun as well. Then all is well in my world. I have found myself in places like Egypt, Bali, Ancient Greece, Spain, India … and many more in the last few years.

A relationship has arrived, one I never thought possible. One that mirror my higher souls vibration back to me. That gets me. It is easy. Imagine that. Even the work in it is rewarding. The love is real. A well deserved gift from a life long journey, healing this part of my karma and lineage.

One reward after another. All this because I chose 7 years ago that I will live my purpose and say yes to what my soul needs and desires. I broke through my resistance, and all barriers melt away. Each day that I get to walk on this path, life becomes richer and richer. Prosperity and love all around. This all, cos I have fallin in love with me. All of me.

Clarity is how I see.  Focus is how I direct my energy. Trust is what I have in myself. Power is where I live from. Love is what I receive. Beauty is what I share. Fulfillment is what I gain. Joy is what I express. Courage is what I teach. Surrender is how I dance. Vulnerability is how I show up. Immense gratitude is what I have. And who I am is what I give. Endlessly. Openly. Lovingly.

I teach. I love. I receive. I am me fully. And I love me. 

Connected

A bucket full of wisdom turned up at my front door today.

Shaping my day with a deeper shade of awareness.

A deeper sense of understanding, this life and its turnings. 

Connecting the dots and follow a trail back to its eternal beating heart. 

I find myself cozily wrapped inside this world. Hypnotized. Asleep. 

And time after time I practice climbing out of its chaotic make belief.

“Don’t loose yourself again dear one,” I hear myself say.

How do I participate in life, and not get swayed by the illusion of its existence? 

An eternal practice of waking up. WAKE UP! 

Stepping back into a deeper sense of being, while residing in the world.

Seeing life from a deeper place. A watcher

Feeling life from a deeper place. Allowing

Listening to life from a deeper place. Receiving.

Where do I go when I leave? What do I do when I get there?

Sitting in an empty space, filled with a lack of fulfillment… 

In this place I give up my power to feel. 

My power to choose. To transform and exist. BREATHE. 

My power to connect. To feel alive. To love, see, feel, and just

be! A place of CONNECTION. 

There is no separation in this existence I choose participate in. 

Yet I choose to believe so at times. 

Finding myself drifting aimlessly, on my way somewhere. 

Where am I going? Rushing. 

Surroundings unrecognizable by the one passing through. 

Beauty goes unnoticed. Unseen and lost in the chaos of the past.

Moment after moment die, without the gift of recognition. 

Blessings left in the dust behind the hasty one. 

One running away from life, in search of life. 

Just can’t seem to catch it. 

This illusion is robbing me from my power to exist in the fullness of myself.

A place of ownership of my soul and its journey till now. 

And each time when I do wake up and step out of this world.

I find. I discover. I remember. And I merge. 

Connection to the one that is connecting and connected.

A field of immense love and discovery can be mine. A choice. 

I find myself in a continual rebirth. A new me, yet ancient.

A feeling of new, sitting in the unknown mystery, yet familiar.

This place my soul knows so very well.

A beautiful shadow of wisdom that follows me everywhere.

This dance I participate in, so important and necessary,

for I am in need of remembering my own divinity. 

So many gifts each time I come back from a long sleep. 

So many friends I meet over and over and over again. 

Lifetime after lifetime. Moment after moment. 

Thank you for mirroring onto me, the I, that I am. 

Again and again and again. Sorry, as I keep forgetting.

The one hidden underneath the human suit

What a gift this life. What a gift you are, I see before me. 

What I gift you mirror onto me. Mirror onto you. Mirror onto me… 

This life compressed inside me. Is the mirror of this life I see before me. 

This life I think I disconnect from. Is a life I cannot disconnect from. 

As this life I see before me, is inside me. Is outside me. Is inside me… 

This life is the one I am. Has been. Will be. Am. Always. 

Even when illusion takes over, and makes me belief I am not life. 

Life will sit and watch patiently… waiting… smiling… 

For the one that is in search of that which she already is.

My Vision

"Clarity is how I see. Focus is how I direct my energy. Trust is what I have in myself. Power is where I live from. Love is what I receive. Beauty is what I share. Fulfillment is what I gain. Joy is what I express. Courage is what I teach. Surrender is how I dance. Vulnerability is how I show up. Immense gratitude is what I have. And who I am is what I give. Endlessly. Openly. Lovingly. 

I teach. I love. I receive. I am me fully. And I love me."

Innocence

A new sense of pleasure is bursting through the gates of heaven. 
Igniting the world on fire. Painted with the sounds of innocent laughter. 

Coloring the sky with scarlet red and indigo. 
Painting a new heaven and earth. 

A playground for the innocent and fearless. 
Creating a gateway for sublime joy and uncontrollable laughter. 

A caravan of possibilities makes their arrival from a long journey at last. 
Carrying with it broken pieces of memory. 

Pieces lost in a memory woven through shockwaves from the past. 
Re-uniting child and innocence once more. 

Child innocence with an immense desire to live with an unwavering purpose. 
A drive force directed and experienced through the purity of a child’s heart

A life dipped in a dark chocolate coating, rich in sugar sweet fulfillment. 
A life in service. Leaving traces of sweetness through each act of expression. 

A life of clarity and precision. Steered by the impulses of a child’s senses. 
A drive force directing age-old wisdom through playful existence. 

Discovering a journey, footprints underneath the layers of this world. 
Hidden beneath, exists another world now open for discovery. 

An old world with messengers for this life. 
A journey, this I see. Walking a full circle of eternal discovery.

A child chasing the sun, jumping fully into life. 
Experiencing a sensitized adventure of belonging.

A playground of innocent wonder. 
Toes in the mud. Ponytails in the wind. 

Sounds of a familiar song echoing from above. A lullaby ancient, yet timeless. 
The scratching of the needle seems to vanish with the melody of song. 

A song about purpose, passion and power. 
All covered in strawberry innocence and beauty. 

A child returning home, remembering the innocence.
A soul revealing itself, remembering the journey. 

A soul child walking along a path towards the now. 
Collecting the past in a butterfly net. 

Embracing what was. Loving what is. 
Anticipating and endless supply of a fulfilling existence.

A messenger of the wind. 
Discovering the undiscovered. 

Celebrating the freedom of being alive. 
The world is hers to entertain.

A child surrendering into the simplicity of life.
And here, a message from your own inner child. 

Live through feeling. Express through being.
Love passionately. Open fearlessly. 

Give endlessly. Be fully. 
Surrender beyond possibility. 

Speak truthfully. 
Trust eternally.

Walk where no one has ever walked. 
Create. Create. Create the life you TRULY are!!!! 

Claim your child. 
Surrender deeper into yourself.

I'm a feeling being

Loved filled words spill through and out of me, splashing against the borders of life. Making sweet love to my lips as they pass through me and onto you. 

The immensity of the moment over takes me and runs me like wild horses. Caution to the wind. Bareback on top of the world. Freedom accompanies me, at last!

This freedom is mine to embody. Suit up. Suit down all barriers. Let go of all armor, I surrender. Why not? This, I cannot answer. 

Naked and bare I stand, awaiting these feelings to penetrate my consciousness. Finally giving them a voice to express. I’m ready to feel. I witness them passing through and out. A fire spreading like a symphony, burning away any traces of sorrow. 

Ashes blowing away in the wind, erasing traces of an old life. An old forgotten story. Belonging to the one sitting on top of the world, feet hanging off the side, watching life. Invisible seer of life. 

Diving into the shadow I go, collecting more of the hidden, yes I seek.
Transporting it back to life, creating a deeper sense of aliveness in my being. I feel. I am a feeling being. I allow an ocean of feelings to wash through me. Cleansing my soul of all the things that ‘weren’t allowed to be felt’, then. 

Through feeling, empowerment filters in. And here I stand. Grounded, empowered and in the fullness of belonging to the one inside.